Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
