so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
