What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
