I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
