I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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