hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
