She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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