So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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