You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
