Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
