I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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