His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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