Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
