You just made me feel so damn special
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wear drunk well.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
