im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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