you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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