If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
