i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
