Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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