gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
