i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You pole danced in your parka.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
