Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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