you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
