Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
