Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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