dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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