I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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