I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize