I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
