Four minutes until I can fart!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
