i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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