and she was petting her beer can
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My dick has a subreddit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
