Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
