I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
