I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
false alarm. still invincible.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
