I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
