Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
