She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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