Your dad touched me again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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