we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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