Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
