So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
