why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
