Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
