There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
