remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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