my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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