yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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