the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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