I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
