i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
