I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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