am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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