eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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