i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
