Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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