Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
