Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
