planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize