Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
