I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
