So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
