just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
