I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
