Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
