halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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