Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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