I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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