Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
