just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
